In America we eat man semen.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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