Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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