I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
