i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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