Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
