hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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