can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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