Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
