Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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