one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
