My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
