Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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