I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
