The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got inside last night via doggy door
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
