when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
