I showed him my bush... on skype.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
