What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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