if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
