HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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