The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
