You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
