It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
