I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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