fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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