Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
