Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
