She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
