I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
