Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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