I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
