Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
