I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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