I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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