You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
