Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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