Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
