textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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