plz talk dirty to me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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