you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm too high and old for this...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
