You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
