OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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