If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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