Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
