my vag is so smooth its legendary
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
