For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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