i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
