What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
