The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
