pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
