im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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