i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
be right there i have to get my cape
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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