We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is my gift to your gina
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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