Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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