the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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